The Triggers That Hook Us

I've been traveling extensively lately and have noticed the pull to just sit in meditation. I always find something new about myself or the way I'm handling certain situations, I think being away from a pretty strict practice has taught me more than actually sitting every day. I'm somewhat of a brain geek and try to follow my own process of thought - emotion - action with a goal of observing instead of participating. I see the brain as a muscle and meditation as my daily cerebral 'sit-ups'. I don't consider buddhism a religion as much as a teaching to embrace suffering and open my heart to eventually know in the deepest dustiest part of my soul we are all connected. My classroom is meditation. They say all good teachers send you back to yourself and I believe we are each our 'own' guru. I embrace a number of teachings spanning the landscape of belief, but in the end - I don't outsource my heart and soul,

Shenpa is one such teaching. I wrote this a year ago and it is a perfect time for me to revisit this powerful teaching. It is not an overstatement to say my way of relating to myself and the world around me has been transformed greatly by this practice. It would also not be an overstatement to say that I still ‘lose it’ on occasion--it just doesn’t last as long. Enjoy!

Anyone that knows me, knows I am a lover of powerful quotes. What I realized about quotes is the brilliant artistic craftsmanship required to express words that transform thinking into small sound bites. This isn’t easy and the greatest quotes are equal in admiration to the greatest works of art in my mind. A quote that has had a profound impact on my life is from Viktor Frankl, one of the most beautiful minds I’ve come to know.

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

This elegant 27-word quote changed the way I approached life and began a curiosity about this crucial ‘space’ in all of our lives. This space holds the power to every meaningful event, and yet, we so seldom talk of its power. Soon after I read this quote, I was introduced to Pema Chodron’s teaching on shenpa and there began my journey.

The Urge Pema says of shenpa: The Tibetan word ‘shenpa’ is usually translated as ‘attachment,’ but a more descriptive translation might be ‘hooked.’ When shenpa hooks us, we are likely to become stuck in blame, jealousy and other emotions that lead to words and actions that paralyze us in shame. Shenpa thrives on the underlying insecurity of living in a world that is always changing. We experience this insecurity as a background of slight unease or restlessness. There, in the space between, shenpa arises. We all want some kind of relief from that unease, so we turn to what we enjoy – food, alcohol, drugs, sex, work or shopping. In moderation, what we enjoy might be very delightful. We can appreciate its taste and its presence in our life. But when we empower it with the idea that it will bring us comfort, that it will remove our unease, we get hooked. So we could also call shenpa ‘the urge’ – the urge to smoke that cigarette, to overeat, to have another drink, to indulge our addiction, whatever it is.

Sometimes shenpa is so strong that we’re willing to die getting this short-term symptomatic relief. The momentum behind the urge is so strong that we never pull out of the habitual pattern of turning to our poison of choice for comfort. It doesn’t necessarily have to involve a substance; it can be saying mean things, or approaching everything with a critical mind. That’s a major hook. Something triggers an old pattern we’d rather not feel, and we tighten up and hook into criticizing or complaining. It gives us a puffed-up satisfaction and a feeling of control that provides short-term relief from uneasiness.

Those with strong addictions know that working with habitual patterns begins with the willingness to fully acknowledge our urge, and then the willingness not to act on it. This business of not acting out is called ‘refraining.’ Traditionally it’s called ‘renunciation.’ What we renounce or refrain from isn’t food, sex, work or relationships per se. We renounce and refrain from the shenpa. When we talk about refraining from the shenpa, we’re not talking about trying to cast it out; we’re talking about trying to see the shenpa clearly and experiencing it. If we can see shenpa just as we’re starting to close down, when we feel the tightening, there’s the possibility of catching the urge to do the habitual thing, and not doing it.

My Shenpa Practice For my own practice (and it is a practice!), I encounter whatever my particular shenpa is much like waves in an ocean. At first they are strong and overpowering to the point of knocking me down, but I get curious with the uneasiness – even if for only 1.2 seconds. I feel it without reacting. I lean in. I have a knowing that my shenpa is a messenger and, most times, its origins have been with me from the beginning of time. The beauty in this practice is that over time you see your shenpa arriving in the far off distance and the wave loses much of its power before it even reaches you. This ‘space’ now provides a safe place to cultivate ‘maitri’ (loving kindness for yourself) and transforms the urge to act out or retreat into an opportunity to grow and express. It transforms you from a participant to an observer in situations that historically would have caused great suffering.

The other great teaching I’ve learned is my shenpa is never about the other---the other person, place or thing. They have only triggered something in me that is unhealed and still raw. It taps into feelings of not being good-enough, or too much or unworthy of love. What took me many years to realize is these triggers are gifts and I try as best I can to have great gratitude for the experience. It is at this point---the true power of

shenpa has revealed itself.

The Power of Shenpa You do not have to be a great spiritual sage to experience the life-changing power of working with shenpa. Pema says of working with shenpa: In practicing, first we try to recognize it. The best place to do this is on the meditation cushion. Sitting practice teaches us how to open and relax to whatever arises, without picking and choosing. It teaches us to

experience the uneasiness and the urge fully, and to interrupt the momentum that usually follows. We do this by not following after the thoughts and learning to come back to the present moment. We learn to stay with the uneasiness, the tightening, the itch of shenpa. We train in sitting still with our desire to scratch. This is how we learn to stop the chain reaction of habitual patterns that otherwise will rule our lives. This is how we weaken the patterns that keep us hooked into discomfort that we mistake as comfort. We label the spinoff ‘thinking’ and return to the present moment.

We could think of this whole process in terms of four R’s: recognizing the shenpa, refraining from scratching, relaxing into the underlying urge to scratch and then resolving to continue to interrupt our habitual patterns like this for the rest of our lives. What do you do when you don’t do the habitual thing? You’re left with your urge. That’s how you become more in touch with the craving and the wanting to move away. You learn to relax with it. Then you resolve to keep practicing this way. Working with shenpa softens us up. Once we see how we get hooked and how we get swept along by the momentum, there’s no way to be arrogant.

The trick is to keep seeing. Don’t let the softening and humility turn into self-denigration.

That’s just another hook. Because we’ve been strengthening the whole habituated situation for a long, long time, we can’t expect to undo it overnight. It’s not a one-shot deal. It takes loving-kindness to recognize; it takes practice to refrain; it takes willingness to relax; it takes determination to keep training this way It helps to remember that we may experience two billion kinds of itches and seven quadrillion types of scratching, but there is really only one root shenpa – ego-clinging. Viktor Frankl understood the power of this critical space as fertile ground for transforming the way we think and relate internally and externally. This practice promotes compassion and loving-kindness to the world and more importantly to ourselves.